good gawsh.

i dnt even knw where to start w|this one. i sent that msg..no turning bck now. i feel like i can go nowhere but up now...i let all that out..well not all of it, but a lot is out ¬ in where its supposed to be. i wanna knw who was the idiot who tld me i couldn't cry ?! idk why i have issues w|shedding tears...i always feel real weird afterward. been goin bck &forth w|this stuff in my head for a lil while now..idk if him bringing it up was a good thing for us or a bad thing. i jst knw i need to get my life together....ASAP. this jst got really really REAL for me. no joke, so serious. i dnt even knw where to start w|my life. its all over the map. i need to fall on my face, that's what the crap i need to do...i feel like im about to reintroduce myself to the wrld as someone who will not conform anymore. i refuse to be defined by it. i already dnt fit in trying to be apart of a lot of things so i might as well get used to sticking out. idk where our relationship goes from here either...he says i dnt knw what yu knw...does that really matter? i mean, crap..idk. i think what really matters to me is im dne w|the bull. seriously...&maybe that vibrant, lovely girl will come back out from underneath the crap..i jst want my life bck...when i used to sing, that's when i felt closest...i sing now...nothing. at least that's what i'm supposed to believe. i gotta wrk this thing out...its gonna be hard, really, really hard..but things will never always be peachy...im about ready to make some folk mad..what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already ?!