thinking too much...

Sometimes I think about if life just stopped how easy things would be...Our problems would be left unsolved..but hey, I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. But then I think again, how childish, and stupid am I to think that if I just die..I'll be fine. I want to live my life to the maximum, want to take as many opportunities as possible, be successful, be happy. But life is life. Life has trials, tribulations, days full of sorrow and days full of joy. You never know what life is going to bring you each and every day. I admit, I'm going through a lot of different things right now. There have been plenty of times when I just let people make decisions for me, because I was too lazy to think for myself. The few friends I have (or had) probably don't want anything to do with me now..I just don't know. People grow up, people change, we all are going to do our own thing in one way or another. I still don't know what to think about that whole situation, but I'm not gonna stress myself out trying to wrap my mind around it. I prayed about it, I'm done worrying. Gave it to God, I'll let him handle the rest. I know he can work it out because he told me so. Me and Him had a nice little talk yesterday. I'm always looking for an actual person to talk to, when all I need to do is go to God..I make the simplest things so difficult. UGH. I have GOT to get it together. School time is almost here..got about 3 more weeks. I'm so excited. As the days go by, I think I get a little more anxious too. Not about meeting new people, but about the work. I was a bit lazy in high school. I know all that has to change because this is college, we pay for this stuff now. I have to be ontop of things, start assignments on time so I don't have to pull all-nighters unless its necessary. Waiting until the last minute can't be the solution to doing everything anymore. Its time to be responsible, time to do things on my own. Good grades aren't just going to fall in my lap, I've got to work for them. I'm prepared to bust my ass in college. I don't want to be just a good student, I want to be an excellent student. Organized, willing to work, ready to learn, ready to put forth the EFFORT to learn even more. I want to learn how to create balance in my school work and social life. I never had that in high school. I was always putting other things before my work. Yeah, I got it done, but I def. know there are other ways to get work done. Ready to ship head on out of VA September 10th, 2009. Its comin up, I'm so ready to go =)

mwaahh.

sittin up ; its 2am. boredd.
hunnybunches fell asleep on me...so i think. but its all good. hope yur dreamin sweetly babe =] tired of photoshopping for one day. all twittered out. i was def killin it earlier. lol. i knw aint shit poppin on fb. no one to txt. dnt wanna talk. soooo..me&my blog can vibe real quick =] this is my newest; favoritest picture:


HOT <3 ; bbyqirl is smoookiiin! ow! lol.
i love it; totally off guard. came out pretty decent if yu ask me.

i need for my ipod to catch up w|my computer. i dwnlded sum laura izibor today =]
her voice is absolutely BEAUTIFUL; she's irish i think. looove her accent.
<3 this song ; 'shine'



i am absolutely SICK of this phone; it keeps freezing. takes 50 million seconds to unlock. i touch the screen and its delayed..takes a few seconds to do what i tell it to do. grrrrrr! makes me angry. prob. gonna call sprint tmrw &see what they have to say about it. this is the THIRD freakin phone i've had. and i only fucked it up ONCE. the other two times it was their fault. oh yeah, i forgot to mention that my end button BARELY freakin wrks. gotta almost break yur finger to end a call...sooo..i jst settle w|touchin the screen. or not hanging up, letting the other person hit their end button &my phone will hang up eventually =/ what the heck!

ahhh! i miss my babe. wish i coulda heard his voice 1more time before I laid my head dwn. poop. i heard it on the voicemail though =] soooo that makes me feel a lil better =] can't wait to see him. hope everything wrks out on his end to get his ass here. ahhh! =] lol.

my eyes are either really dry, heavy, or a combination of the two.
i'm gonna go w|heavy eyes.
i'm out =]

mwaahh !* - that's for my babe.

in need of a smile =|

bf decided not to come to va; b|c he'd rather see me spend my money on something else. WHERE DID THIS GUY COME FROM ? when i read the msg, i think my heart almost popped out my chest. I still haven't done it yet, because I'm gonna see if I can get help with my laptop. I don't want it to actually register that I won't be seeing my bf in 31 days =\ makes me sad.

sweetest thing <3

the past couple of days have been absolutely positively wonderful. my babe will be here in 40 days. it'll be 3months tmrw. he's the best. i couldn't ask for anything better. lauren's here talkin my dern head off. my gawsh. but at least its interesting. i've been on this computer for hours. think im gonna brainstorm some more tattoo ideas. i'm so ready for the next one. amor vincit omnia back of my neck probably. looking forward to a rib tattoo. &one behind the other ear. i poured out my heart to my love today. my letter was really heartfelt..i was sooo scared to send it. i asked myself over&over again..what if he thinks this is crap? because he says the sweetest things to me &the things i say can't even compare. they are unbelievably sweet. i don't want to compete. jst say what i feel my way i suppose. i still think that its nothing compared to how he expresses his love lolol. can't wait till he gets here. september 1st. i'll be right at that airport w|the biggest, goofiest, kool-aid smile i can manage to put on my face. can't wait to hug&kiss him. *sigh* i'm so ready. i've lived the day in my head like 80 times. I still don't knw how I'm gonna act. hopefully i won't cut up! rofl.

already?

sooo ; seems like hunnybunches is on his way bck up here some time soon. i have missed him soo =\ it would be wonderful to see him though. but i'm gonna be leaving for school in a month &a half. as soon as he gets bck i'm on my way bck to where he jst came from. BLAAAH. its all good though. its gonna be hard..really really hard..but i knw we can make it.

excuse me.

sooo..pretty much i have let the day pass me by. last night was wonderful. chillin, listenin, to maxwell &listenin to my babe dream =) great. today i haven't dne much of anything. ate all the chicken out my caesar salad &a piece of a biscuit. shrimp would be sooo good right now. crabs would be even better..its friday, i wanna go out, chill &have fun. what to dooooo? what to do ? need to call the ymca, i def. wanna take yoga. i have a free membership...why not ? still thinkin about gymnastics..THAT would be wonderful. i would get up &get dressed...but i dnt wanna put on clothes ¬ go anywhere. lol. that would be a waste. heard about a football game...lets see who's goin to that. hm..nap anyone? definitely. =)

sooo...

i guess im kinda havin a 'where do i go from here?' moment...i need to stop worrying already. im not lookin for a to-do list like ashley number one: blah blah blah number two: blah blah blah...i just have to keep living..its okay to say "hey, i dnt knw how to live this life" its all good ash...